Thursday, April 11, 2013

At least I'm not crazy

January 11th, 2013.  The day I learned I wasn't crazy.  That's what I had pretty much decided I was.  That or a hypochondriac. "You have anxiety, you have migraines, you have nothing wrong with you."  This is what the first neuro told me.  In fact, her opening sentence to me on our first visit was "you don't have MS".  At that point I hadn't even thought I might, but boy was it good to know I definitely did not have that.
I had blood work upon blood work, I had ultrasounds on my heart and neck.  I wore monitors with sticky pads all over my chest for 2 days.  I was seriously tested.  I was healthy, I was crazy.  The right side of my face was not really numb, my right arm was not really numb, I was not dizzy almost all the time and my body absolutely did not feel like it weighed 500 lbs.  I was fine.  Oh, and the 14 lesions that were on my MRI?  "They're just have migraines.  See your doctor for anxiety meds".  Okay.
Fast forward a year and a half.  Fast forward past 4 relapses and 2 trips to emergency as I thought I must be having a stroke or hit a new level of crazy.  New MRI, 2 new lesions and holy crap, a positive lumbar puncture.  Congrats...I am the proud owner of MS.  But hey, at least I'm not crazy, right?
Anyway, here I am.  I hear over and over that lot's of people have this, lot's of people live long, happy, healthy lives with this.  Lot's of people don't even think about the fact they have MS.  I know this, I believe this and someday, I'm sure I'll accept this.  Right now though....I'm just pissed off.
I used to weight train, I used to do yoga, I used to jog.  That was on top of working 60 hours a week, raising three boys and keeping up with cooking, cleaning and a 2 hour per day commute.  Now, I work, nap and sleep.  That's all I've got. 
I miss me, I miss energy, I miss 2 years ago.
I assure you, this blog will not be like this all the time.  I'm certain I will bitch and complain here and there but I'll do my best to keep it to a minimum. 
More than anything, I just want to hear from others who are going through this.  People who are newly diagnosed, people who have been for a while but remember what it was like when it was new and even people who want to tell me to quit whining and move on. 
Talk again soon....

No comments:

Post a Comment