Taking care of others is good medicine

My mom had minor surgery this week.  I spent the last 4 days staying with her and helping.  I didn't think about myself really at all.  I didn't feel sorry for myself, or angry about MS.  I didn't give in to the nap monster even when I really would have loved to.  I cooked, I cleaned, I ran errands.  It was lovely.  I know, most people would probably bitch about those kind of days but I'm elated that I felt useful again for once.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm pooped.  I'm absolutely done now.  I have officially passed the buck onto other family members and found my way home but I feel great!

When you are in position where someone else absolutely needs you it seems that your body is almost capable of forgetting it's not feeling that hot for just a little while.  It let's you do what has to be done.  When I'm home,  I can decide to leave the dishes for a while, or skip making the bed today.  I can choose to lie down for an hour (provided the kids are at school/camp/work etc;).  I can let myself be exhausted.  

Well enough of that garbage.  I have just proven to myself that I can still do it.  I can keep going provided I remember to give in when it becomes absolutely necessary.  I refuse to accept that I'm just 'sick' now and throw in the towel, because, quite frankly, I don't have to.

From now on I'm going to try a lot harder to be who I used to be, starting with being a full fledged mom.  I will find my way back.  I know that when my next ugly relapse strikes my body will not agree with my plan and I can accept that.  In between though, it's time to start living.