Well, I just came across my old blog. Yep, this one right here. I started this shortly after my diagnosis when things were, well, crap. I am, however, glad to say, that in the past two years, there is less 'crap'. A lot less crap actually.
I just read through all 20 of the posts I wrote before I gave up 'blogging'. What was shocking to me though is that there was finally one, yes one, comment. 20 posts I'd written hoping upon hope that someone, anyone, might see them and say something and I wouldn't feel so alone. They didn't though and I gave up. Then, in February,2014, someone did...and I just saw it now :) (better late then never) Thank you Andrea!
A lot can happen in 2 years...I don't even know where to start. I stopped yelling so much and found a way to stop feeling so sorry for myself. I save that only for really good relapses now, during those I have a really good cry and curse the entire world. When all is good, I will spend the better part of an evening now and then convincing my husband, yes, the boyfriend is now a husband, that I was "misdiagnosed, I feel great and NOTHING is wrong with me!". He just smiles back and waits.
So, yeah, that happened. I got married. We went through a lot, I told him to run "get out now while you still can", he said no, did the opposite and proposed. October 4th of 2014 I married the strongest, most dedicated, understanding, patient and quite frankly insane man I have ever known. Why anyone would commit themselves to God only knows what the future holds for me and what the bad times can get like around here, I have no idea...but I do know, I am one lucky lady :)
I have less relapses now too, so I guess the Copaxone is helping. I had 9 in my first year and now I just had one in March and the one before that was last July. So, positive note, way less relapses. Negative note, they are brutal. My last one lasted 7 weeks and the one in July lasted about 10. Both times I get the gift of a lovely left leg limp. I don't really have pain, it just stops working right. I can't even explain it to my neuro really, it just doesn't want to go the way it's supposed to. It feels like my hip isn't talking to my thigh right and my thigh isn't talking to my ankle but they're all trying, just out of sinc. Regardless, I'm still mobile to a point with them. I just look "off"...and slow.
Along with the leg, each relapse still brings with it an accumulation of all past symptoms and they suck but they go away and I now, move the hell on.
I'm still permanently tired, but so is everyone with MS, so whatever. I'm super clumsy but I always was a bit clumsy anyways...you should see me after a few drinks....hilarious!!! I forget a lot but have learned to make lists and then the next day I rewrite what isn't crossed off the day before list and add to it. It works....shit gets done.
I still work crazy hours but go to bed super early (which helps). I try to eat the right things. I have gained weight since my last relapse because I can't really exercise yet but I will be starting back at it tomorrow...I promised myself that this week.
Overall, things are changing, for the better. I'm not so bitter anymore and that is a good feeling.
What I'm trying to say is, no, I'm not all better but I'm a lot better at this. MS is not my every minute of every day now. I have a life, I have MS. You can have both.
So, now this blog will become about my journey. Tomorrow is a new day and I will challenge myself to be even healthier, stronger and better.
Talk soon!
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