Friday, May 31, 2013

I'm just too tired

I'm so tired, just exhausted.  I have nothing left.  This is fatigue?  'Fatigue' sounds not so bad, not so doesn't seem like the right word to describe this.  I feel like I could just lie down forever and ever.  I cleaned half of one of our bathrooms and my right arm instantly weighed 3 times more than before I started.  I walked upstairs to get something and my thighs literally burned as if I had just spent 20 minutes running on the treadmill.  I opened the fridge to figure out dinner, stared at it for a minute, shut the door and sat down. 

I have the slightest hint of energy mid morning and unfortunately work gets all of that.  I make all kinds of plans and commitments inside my head that I will do after work.  They just never happen.  Hardly anything gets done anymore and if it does, I'm completely finished for the rest of the day.

This just gets worse and worse.  I'm not having a relapse, so is this just me now?  Is this my new normal?  Does this get better ever again????

I hope so because the level of guilt that is coming with this ability to do nothing is almost unbearable.  I'm letting everyone down.  My family and friends deserve better than this 'me'.  I deserve better than this 'me'.

UPDATE:  I was starting a new relapse, just didn't realize it.  Thank God this was not my new norm....back to just normal fatigue for me.

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